I'm Still Here!

Well, here I am! I am still here. Haven't taken that for granted. Many others have but I've realized that I can not. I am coming along each day it's hard to swallow that I've been put behind by so many people that I thought cared about me. Dealing with a health issue is not just a physical issue it's also an emotional issue and that emotional issue is one of the hardest parts lately that I'm dealing with. I've been hurt by so many other peoples actions it's been hard to believe but I am learning I have no control of others and I have to move onward. Losing friends who I really cared about, and thought cared about me and to have to realize that they are who they are and it's not who or what you thought that person was about in which your friendship was based. Moving on, being a grown up and realizing that sometimes you just have to say good bye to people and situations. Hard to believe I worked in a building with so many people who I thought cared about me. Now, I sit in my office in front of my computer and count how many of those people have spoken to me or ever care but more than a minute about what happened to me I realize that my world is really small. Putting the hurt of work behind me and venturing out on a new path is what I'm looking forward to. Scary as it is and sad in many aspects it needs to be done. I'm praying my body cooperates as my heart wants one thing lately and my brain seems to have its own agenda. STROKE How scarey you are You've taken away so much No regard for the person I was I work hard each day to overcome you I will not be detoured by the selfish hearts I've come across Pick up the pieces Put myself back together, even if alone Looking great they say, but inside I'm falling apart STROKE you try and take me down I will not be defeated NOT TODAY, TOMORROW OR IN MY FUTURE I will have me back Love will win I WILL BE OK NOT GIVING UP!

Now WHAT!!??

Well....Here I am on a beutiful sunny Feb. day wondering what the hell has happened to my life. As i contemplate this I realize that in the end it doesnt really matter what outcome I come up with it wont change a darn thing. Disaapointed is a great word to describe how I feel! I decribe myself as a half full kind of person but lately I'm letting myself feel the emotions I feel on a daily basis and then try and move past them. Stroke recovery is not just physical but also emotional and emotional is where I am today. I would cry before way more than I care to but today I am more mad than teary. I'm mad for so many reasons but one thing that has hurt me so very much has been how I have been treated by people that I thought cared about me! My work is something that I am having to face and let go and it is so very sad to me but so VERY real. I had a stroke, I did not have a cold, I didn't break a bone or something else minor. I had a life changing stroke. The one thing I never dreamed of was not only loosing my job in which i loved so very much but how those who I worked for and with would act or then again I could say not act at all. I found that it was just that...A JOB and I was just that...AN EMPLOYEE@! For some crazy , messed up moment I thought i meant something to those I worked for and with that as I came to find out I did not. When something bad happens you see who are those who truly care about you and are with you because they care not because what you can do for them at the moment but because you matter to them period. I foolishly thought I mattered to many but boy was I wrong!! So over the months I have dealt with that disappointment and I'm coming to terms with it but I have to say IT SUCKS!!! So here are the things one should NOT do to those going thru a difficult time: 1. Act like the person is dead!! or Does Not exist! 2. Give a card and a gift card and think that is all that is required and never do anything else 3. Say that everyone cares yet you never spoke or did a thing to contact the person in way , shape or form! 4. Act like nothing has happened and life is just peachy! So here are a few things that one CAN do to help those go thru a difficult time: 1. A quick visit, phone call, text every once in awhile. 2. email, call or text back! 3. Make your offer of time to be SINCERE! 4. Listen!!